Just to let you know, I’ve seen boobies and they have blue feet.

Gotta mow the grass before it gets hot!

Large Pony?

My wife calls them “noods”(nudes). “Can you grab the pool noods? We’re having sketti tonight.”

I analyzed the video and determined that two vehicles crashed. You can make them out in the distance.

Operation failed successfully

Meme coin goes badly? How did I not see this coming?

Finally a candidate that shares my beliefs

Nuclear weapons? “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means”

I don’t want to live in this reality anymore.

Really puts me in the Christmas spirit

The following states never expanded Medicaid.

Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, Mississippi, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Wisconsin, and Wyoming

If anyone was confused why some very red states weren’t on the list

Brrrrrrrt!

Maybe my wife will buy it for her boyfriend

I feel like that if one pardon commits a crime, it will be spun like illegal immigrants where one person’s actions defines the group.

What about Greenland? Don’t let that dream die, Donny!

I would get my flu shot if it came with a beer

I agree. Smoked a turkey breast today. 155f, pulled and wrapped in foil and placed in the microwave (as a sealed metal box, not actually used the microwave) for 30 minutes while the sides cooked. You can warm a cup of water before if you really want to keep the heat

I use an app called Tessie. It’s $5 a month for the rest of my life but i do like it . Keeps track of battery usage, trips, and links to Alexa.

The 2 guys that you immediately see when you say “why do all men suck?”