🫱🦋 Is this domestic terrorism? /s

Find a hobby you enjoy. Look for places that offer classes in your area, even if it only somewhat interests you.

Honestly, spaghetti

If you’re Italian, sorry for the stroke

Caller: “I have a psycho stalker who keeps messaging me and I’m worried they’re going to do something violent to me”

Cops: “Call us after they harm you”

Caller: “I work for Blue Cross Blue Shield and a caller just said Deny Defend Depose”

Cops: “Real shit”

I was already in the area on vacation :) We booked the hotel and planned the trip before I got the gig, the stars just happened line up. The other people in my troupe were friends so it was a lotta fun.

I got paid over $1k to perform at a 3 day festival (9x10min total)

🤞🏼

How is level 2 adding your own spices? That should be level 0 for anything

Most neurodivergences

ADHD is hell in a corporate setting but fantastic in a creative profession (I do both)

It makes a lot more sense when you realize how many people literally don’t have empathy. It’s like they’re missing a crucial brain function necessary to being a part of a functioning society

That and greed

That’s the benefit of living somewhere with public transit

My old college friend group comes over to play D&D. When the clock strikes midnight, we play All Star. They stay over and the next morning we have cereal and watch cartoons

(We’re in our 30s)

People never seem to have problems with changing pronouns when it’s for someone’s pet

“Cute dog what’s his name”

“Oh she’s Luna”

“I love her!”

I only really have a tradition with my friends for new years, and go hard on Halloween since it’s the only one I actually like (I’m usually performing). I ignore all other holidays. Christmas is the absolute worst, you can’t even go out for a meal because everything is closed.

Germany, if you’re listening, you know what would be REALLY funny right now?

Mirror’s Edge

I honestly can’t stand the vast majority of popular movies. They also keep getting longer and longer, and I already struggle to sit through an hour and a half long movie

I’m fluent in both Spanish and English (obv). When speaking English, I’m conflicted on whether I should pronounce Spanish loan words in a shitty English accent like everyone else, or in a proper Spanish accent. So instead I pronounce them as horribly as I can.

Jalapeño is “yah-la-PEEN-oh”. Fajita is “fa-JAI-tah”. Quesadilla gets “QUAY-sah-dilah”

(As a joke of course)

Also, the flu shot is fucking easy. You won’t feel a thing. The needle is tiny so you don’t feel a thing, maybe a slight pinch but once it’s past the skin it’s painless. The most common side effect is a sore arm for a day, but no worse than you get from a workout, and if it’s bad just take some Tylenol or weed.

Next time you’re at the pharmacy, just get it.

Honda Fit. It’s tiny but mighty. I call it a bisexual car because it fills all the holes when looking for parking. City car, but it gets around.